The Go Janes (Arni Adler, Kathleen Tracy, Patrice O’Neill)
Walk Away

Singing:

Oh when the ass walks in the room, ooo baby walk away, walk away, get up and walk away (repeat)

It might be high noon, might be a full moon, you best be ready when the ass walks in the room

Might be a touch of gloom, might be a hint of doom, you best be ready, best be ready…

Story:

Three asses and a duck walk into a bar where a sad frog drowns his sorrows. The bartender, an old caterpillar, sets another drink down in front of him. “Life can be rough sometimes, pal” she says. “Thanks, m’am,” says the frog, weeping into his fresh drink. The duck sidles up next to him and asks:

—

What you drinking Sad Guy, Sad Guy, tell me what you drinking?

What you drinking Sad Guy, Sad Guy?

 —

“Scotch, neat,” replies the frog.

—

The asses mock the frog, pointing and laughing The duck’s feathers ruffle, as she shoots the them a stink eye. One ass falls out of his chair braying about how some animals ought to buck up, stop asking for handouts, pull themselves up by their own bootstraps. A sense of shame washes over the frog. The bartender wants to throw the asses out (on their asses), but she’s a small business owner and every guest is a shekel in the till.

—

The asses grow so loud, the frog can’t hear his own heartache. He tries to throw a punch, but the duck rests a wing on the frog’s hand, and says, “Nothing good ever comes from confronting an ass, Sad Guy. Let’s just walk away. Let’s just walk away.”

—

Cuz when the ass walks in the room, ooo baby walk away, walk away, get up and walk away

Might be a touch of gloom, might be a hint of doom, you’d best be ready best be ready …

—

Suddenly an ass leaps onto the bar to show off his big bag of gold coins. “I have so many gold coins,” he bellows. “See my gold coins, all you sheep and cattle? Nobody has as many gold coins as me! Hee haw!! Hee haw!!!

—

Might be a real buffoon, sucks all the air in the room

—

The ass kicks over the sad frog’s drink and the bar animals go wild. But instead of going after the ass, they attack each other. Pigs bite cows, squirrels punch otters, and insects — spotting an opportunity — pierce everyone’s hides. No one can tolerate anyone anymore. The bartender uses her 36 hands to break up the fight:

—

Don’t cuss…Don’t bite…All hell’s breaking loose tonight

Cuz when the ass walks in the room, ooo baby walk away, walk away, get up and walk away

—

As all the other animals finally settle down, the frog realizes something important: he has feelings for the duck with her wisdom, restraint, and exquisite moral strength. The duck, a little breathless by this sudden change in the frog, sets down her chardonnay, gazes into his eyes, and is all like, like, like ….

—

Why so happy happy, Sad Guy, Sad Guy? Why so happy happy? (Repeat)

—

The frog leans in close, and whispers, “I love you, Duck, and I do want to walk away, WITH you.”

—

Walk away, walk away, walk away

—

“Well, here’s your moral,” says the bartender, picking glass out of the chicken’s tail feathers. …

“No matter how bad things get, you don’t have to be an ass.”

—

She sings her nightly closing song, as the barroom empties:

—

Oh, hop little frog, bark little dog

Crawl little ant, sting little gnat

Jump little hare, trot little mare

Happy little creatures everywhere

— 

Run little fox, stomp little ox

Eek little mouse, get outta my house

You’ve had your fun and your cup of cheer

Now get your little asses out of here